This post is a little belated since it occurred a couple days ago... but I have to share this problem I have developed since this thing called "marriage" happened to me. Prior to getting married... I loved - let me say it again loved to shop. Well, I married a man who is very wise in his handling of money. I wouldn't go so far to call him unbearably frugal... because I have found in many situations that a little charming persuasion on my part can convince him to dish out the cash on random occasions. However, one of the biggest marital adjustments for Eric has been the acceptance that women just cost more than men. That's the bottom line! I don't go out hoping to drop $140 at the hair salon... they just don't give us any choice!! Men can buy a pair of underwear for $5 and be done with it. Women on the other hand, cannot stop there. (Well, we could but it's really not pretty)... Nope, we have to purchase bras in addition to our underwear! And do you know how much THOSE cost! I'm not talking about the ones at Walmart that wouldn't even hold a golf ball up... if you want a bra worth wearing you have to drop another $45-$60!!
So back to my original story. Since I got married, I have developed this guilt complex that seems to follow me no matter where I go. From Target to the Gap... I can't win. I wander around these stores doing what used to be my favorite activity... and no matter what I look at... I FEEL him. It's actually kind of creepy and beyond frustrating!! But Eric is there... right on my shoulder asking me why I really need that t-shirt when the ones I wore 5 years ago still maintain a little bit of their original shape. Now to Eric's defense... he really has never scolded me on any purchases I have made. And I know that in most cases, returning home with a few clothing items in tow would produce little more than a teasing remark of my overflowing closet and the true need for the items I bought. But it doesn't seem to matter... he's always there. Like that little obnoxious angel on your shoulder that always tries to convince you to do the right thing. Sometimes, you just want to be bad ya know?!
Which brings me to that little devil that also seems to whisper those words of rebellion. Meet my friend, Jessica. OK, OK, Jessica is far from a little devil in reality. She's one of my favorite people in the world in fact! But she is Eric's worst nightmare when it comes to shopping influence!!! :) Jess came out to visit me a couple months ago and did an excellent job of talking me into blocking out guilt complex a little bit. Since she has left, the battle continues to rage when I am out and about... but this past week I had a breakthrough!!
When Eric and I were in Tennessee we visited some outlet malls. In one store, Eric commented that I would look nice in a little sundress... (I know, I was shocked too). So shocked in fact, that I didn't take him seriously and wrote it off... commenting only that "we really should save money and I don't need a thing"! (Reverse psychology - a very good tactic I have picked up on in the last 9 months or so). Fast forward about a week when I was picking up a Mother's day gift at the mall. I heard my name being called from across the street. I looked up, and there was Ann Taylor Loft... (I swear... she was calling me!). It is so hard to resist a visit with an old friend when you haven't seen them for so long... and I didn't want to be rude... so I popped in for a quick "hello". As soon as I walked in the door, I saw them. 2 adorable sundresses. At first, the guilt told me not even to try them on... then promptly, Jessica was there on my other shoulder telling me to "go for it" and reassuring me that I have been really good for so long. And then my mind went back to Tennessee... "he HAD said I should get a little sundress"...
Within 10 minutes I had been liberated. The dresses looked pretty good! Ann Taylor promised 10% off if I opened an account (of course I will promptly cancel)... and I was walking out the door with BOTH sundresses in hand!! (OK and maybe a cute little tank top as well)... Thank you Ann... thank you Jess... and thank you Eric for the idea!!!
I will save the discussion that ensued when I returned home and sweetly reminded Eric of our discussion in Tenn. and how he thought I needed a little something... He's still a little puzzled as to how A sundress meant 2 of them and a shirt... But hey! I'll admit it... I'm kind of a "give me and inch and I'll take a mile" kind of girl these days. It's all of that pent up shopping anxiety!! Maybe I need therapy.
Monday, May 14, 2007
Shopping Turmoil
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13 comments:
I am like a proud momma on the first day of school!!! Although, you have now almost completely secured the decision for me never to return un-supervised to the mall with you. Eric, you thought it was bad hanging out with us on margarita and cheese stick night...! Oh, and by the way, the "little devil" that sits on my shoulder is about 5 pounds and has lived there for 7 years!! I have just convienently lost my hearing in my left ear!! love you guys :) Can't wait to see the cute sundresses and tank!
Meghan...
My husband was a 'banker' for 23 years and now a CFO for the past 7 years....talk about watching the pennies !!
I totally understand about the little "guy" sitting on your shoulder. Just wait until you've been married for 30+ years....my "watchdog" has mellowed, so there's hope for your Eric. Tee! Hee!
Have a great day !
Jackie Carl
Marion, IN
LOL :) Meg, this is a fabulous post! Hilarious...
But seriously, I went shopping w/a good friend up in DC about a while back. Let's just say that I spent waaayy more than her. I tried really, really hard to get her to buy this super-cute outfit at Ann Taylor, but it was a lost cause. She and her husband are both extremely frugal. If it was just her, I think I could have talked her into it. I mean, seriously, she looked so great in that outfit. But w/the husband at home to explain the purchase to... there would be no convincing her.
I'm just glad that when I spend money, I'm spending "my" money, not "our" money. I'm going to enjoy this as long as it lasts ;)
Oh Meghan - too cute! There are a lot of us that struggle with this - even when we bring home a paycheck as well! My husband would never say anything to me, but still I have that little guilty feeling that follows me around. I suppose it isn't a bad thing - it keeps me from going overboard (mostly) but it is very annoying to say the least. I love your posts and I come here daily to see what's new!
Meghan....
Just had to drop another line...(today is Wed. 5-16-07).
Wanted you to know that your post the other day about purchasing bras & undies inspired me to check out new "intimate apparel" for myself....(yes, it was time !
So, yesterday, I melingered into "Vicci's" (Vict. Secret) and was merely going to "look around" to get an idea of what new styles they had.
Well, after an hour time-lapse, 3 bras, 3 panties and nearly $200. later, I exited the store.
I did feel a teensy-weensy guilty....for a few seconds or so, for spending so much money for only a few small items. But....I got over it. HA !
So, for your hubby, please let him know that you are not alone in the pricely under-garment purchasing. It's just the "way it is". :-)
Have a great day.
Jackie Carl
Marion,IN
Thanks for the support Jackie. I knew it wasn't just me!!
And Jess... not to worry. The boys can't RESIST the desire to see us happy!! We'll just flash those smiles and be on our way... their credit cards in hand!
I stumbled here via Rochelle/Melissa :) and I just have to say that after 6 years of marriage to a "penny pincher"...it's really amazing how the habits change. That's not to say that I'm "cured" of my bachelorette spending habits, but now I feel guilty when I splurge. By looking at my parents, I'd say that that isn't something that goes away either!
Enjoy the new clothes--I'm sure they were more than deserved!
Ahhhh Lindsey. You have brought me hope... in that it (guilt) "isn't something that goes away"... I've always thought that fear and guilt are some of the best motivators in life. Since fear in a marriage is probably not the best thing... I'll have to rely on guilt (not that its much better) but its all I have left in my arsenal. ;-)
I blew a ton of money on my friends baby shower and really wish I had kept it more simple. MORE OR LESS I wish I had saved some for ME!!!
Has Eric already checked to see if that new account is closed??:)
man, i'm shocked it's taken you this long to post about eric's miser tendencies. it's true - he needs like a loaf of bread, 2 pairs of socks, and a t'shirt and he's good for months - but really, 2 sundresses!? i mean isn't your guilt more about ann taylor's lies that her product is superior or that vicci's only secret is that her drawers are made in bangledesh by an 8 yr.old and thus do not warrant a $40 price tag?
ladies - let's not blame shift to the husbands - just come home and be the strong women that you are and say out loud, "i dropped 2 bills at VS on cheap - poorly made undergarments and i deserve it!" this way when eric decides to buy something such as a motorcycle or a jet-ski - he can remind you of all the times you overpaid for a cut/color and then everyone will be happy!
remind me to tell you about the fight we had on our honeymoon concerning a $20 coat.
I needed two t-shirts and a pair of shorts in which I was going to shop for alone last Saturday. Somehow the whole fam ended up with me and Susie and Kira came home with a lot more clothes than I did.
For the record JOHN.
Those TWO shirts that Eric requires, are no Fruit of the Loom specials. They must be of the Nautica brand... sold for approximately $44 a piece, and ALSO made in Bangledesh for $1.25 by an 8 year old making 4 cents an hour.
THE SOCKS: Nautica as well. I won't even BOTHER to mention the cost of those.
And BREAD alone would NEVER do. With it he would require peanut butter (creamy not crunchy) or if toasted, ONE slice of American cheese (won't eat it if there are two). None of which can be choked down without 2 gallons of orange juice/week (make sure it has pulp),a bag of Cheez-Its, and a gallon of Moose Tracks Ice Cream (Deans only). Survival would be impossible without also having a bottle of A1 sauce, and Life Cereal (with vanilla yogurt clusters), at all times.
THAT my friend, is the so-called "SIMPLICITY" of my miser husband! And SO, if I luck out completely with a $40 bra from Vicki's that actually does the job and does it WELL... you can bet I will be handing over the credit card, smiling as they wrap it up all pretty in that pink tissue paper, and wearing it proudly - proclaiming to EVERYONE (ESPECIALLY my husband), that it was $$ well spent!!!
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