Thursday, May 28, 2009


I don't know how many of you have been keeping up with Mikayla's journey, but I had to post about the wonderful news they have received today. Follow up scans and tests have revealed that the chemotherapy she is receiving is working beautifully (aside from those crummy side effects of course)! The spots on her lungs are GONE and there is only a small area of activity remaining on the tumor on her pelvis!!

Please please if you haven't made it to her website check it out. You can click on her name on the left side of the blog. You have to register by simply entering an email and password so that they can send updates... but then you will be able to follow what's going on and see some photos. If you have the chance, she LOVES reading all the comments so don't worry a bit that you're a stranger. Just let her know you're praying and encourage her!

Yay Mikayla!!! We are SO proud of you!!!!

Monday, May 25, 2009

390 Days Old

Today, Ella is the exact age that Ricky was on the day he died. 390 short days sum up the long lasting memories of Ricky's earthly existence. What a contrast to the little girl who lies in a crib upstairs, thriving... growing stronger and stronger every day. Looking at her, it is painfully clear how sick that little boy was. Fighting for your life takes its tole - but despite his many limitations, what a fight it was. In many ways, it makes me sad that Ricky never knew the simple and carefree existence Ella does. And at the very same time, I have no words to describe the relief I feel that Ella has not had to endure the challenges and pain that Ricky did.

I heard an interview recently with Steven Curtis Chapman where he was discussing the anniversary of his daughter's death. He made a statement that really struck me... it was the realization that because of salvation, Maria's life will be a far greater part of his future, than it was of his past. So profound, and so encouraging. It's so hard to comprehend... but this life is truly just passing moment in the context of eternity. How lucky am I... that my days were not numbered with Ricky... my days without him are. Today also happens to be Memorial Day, and while Ricky never fought for our country... I am equally grateful, if not more for a 390 day fight that taught me what a gift life is. Whether dying or thriving... every single moment can be used by God to teach us something.

I am unbelievably blessed to have had 390 days of Ricky... and 390 days of Ella. With all my heart, I know that they were given to me in that order. I really never paid attention to the developmental milestones that Ricky was missing month to month as he grew older and yet smaller... and now I appreciate all the more the accomplishments of a healthy toddler. I know Ricky reached those milestones eventually (the ones that matter in heaven anyway)... and I can't wait to see them for myself. In the meantime, what an incredible gift I have been given - to spend each day caring for yet another miracle... one that requires little more from me than basic care and love. It is honestly almost effortless... because there is rarely a moment for me when I don't know in the back of my head how it could otherwise be. And while I hope and pray that neither Ella, nor any other children God blesses us in the future with ever have to know what just one of those 390 days were like for Ricky, I have learned that regardless of the journey, God's faithfulness will never waver.

390 days with each of them... I am forever changed, forever in love. My cup runneth over.

Ricky... 2 days before he died. Hard to look at but I like to imagine Jesus was whispering to him... telling him all about what Heaven was going to be like.

Ella...2 days ago. Experiencing the only heaven she can comprehend at this point... the park.

Saturday, May 23, 2009


I know I have much to update about, but it's 3am... I'm struggling through my 12 hour shift... and I can't shake a burning question that's been bugging me for a couple days now.

Suppose every single time you sang 'Jesus Loves Me' to your soon-to-be 13 month old, she repeatedly and consistently shook her head "NO" with a somewhat evil yet smart allecky look on her face while you nodded "YES, Jesus loves me, Yes, Jesus loves me...".

Would you be concerned?