Last week I endured the traumatic experience of "returning to work" following maternity leave. I'd like to say it was bittersweet... but really, it was just kind of bitter. I had thought that maybe I would get a little tired of being at home with a baby 24/7 for 3 months.... I didn't. I thought I'd kind of look forward to getting out of the house - even for work... Nope. The bitterness has probably been intensified by the reality that as a Float Pool nurse, I have virtually no "friends" to return to the workplace and share the past three months with. I float around to 4 different hospitals, and while I have connected with a few great people at two of those locations, I unfortunately have not been able to be at either of them this past week. I would feel 100 times better if someone would just ask to see my little brag book of pictures... or maybe just ask where I've been for 3 months!! In 5 nights of work... I've only been asked by one person. OH, what I would give to return from this time to my wonderful friends and co-workers at Saint Marys in Reno...
It's not been quite as bad as I make things sound... tears were only shed the first 3 times I left the house... and what gets me through my 12 hour night shift is knowing I'll be able to sneak in and see her sleeping when I get home. Thankfully, she's sleeping through the night and I'm really not missing much - other than the sound of her breathing which I love.
So... I go about my work somewhat alone with my thoughts of all that I might be missing out on at home with the adorable baby girl that has brightened our lives so much. The one great positive of it all, has been the time it has given Eric at home with her. He's on his one month vacation from rotations... and I am so proud of how well he's done with her! You can tell by watching her how much she's bonded to him. Sometimes he gives her a little kiss and talks to her while I'm feeding or just holding her. Then when he walks away, she'll stop everything and twist her head in all kinds of directions trying to follow him. He's mastered feeding her with a bottle... bathing her... taking both her and Max on walks in the evenings together... and yes, even the dreaded diaper change! He handles blow-outs from both ends without difficulty... and in his time off, has selflessly cared for her so I could catch a few more hours of sleep, work-out, or go to the grocery store... alone! I'm not sure if he has enjoyed his vacation half as much as I have! He even got the loft, upstairs hallway and stairwell all painted!
Sunday my mom begins her first shift of caring for Ella while I work 2 days back to back. I suggested to Eric that maybe we didn't need her services since he had mastered everything so well... Surprisingly... he strongly disagrees. :) She will be a welcome sight to us all.
For now, it's time for me to return to the two other babies that I'm caring for this evening. The unit I have been in seems to be full of kids clinging to life... so many devastating illnesses and issues. All I can do is thank God that Ella is healthy. With all that I experience here, and all that I experienced with Ricky... I find myself desperate for reassurance that she will never spend a single night in a hospital. There are no guarantees of course... but I am so tired of seeing so much suffering.
One thing is clear... I am overwhelmingly blessed with the family that I have been given. As of today... we are all healthy. Ricky by far... in the best state of "wellness" that any of us could hope for.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Back to the Grindstone...
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7 comments:
Oh Meghan, you are so sweet. Thank you for just being you! I know how difficult it is to go back to work. You can't help but wonder if she will grow up and you might miss something...you won't. Soon, you will see how excited she is to see you and she too, will cherish the time you two have together. Honestly, I wish you were back in Reno too.
I'm surprised to hear that you are in a "float pool"...I thought you were in one unit at one hospital. This must be new since you"ve returned to work.
Your reference to Ricky..I too hope Ella will never have to spend time in the hospital..one never knows. Been there, done that...you just pray and be there for them. It too shall pass. I'll pray for you...may God send a kiss to both you and Ella tonight.
Love you...miss you,
Mare
Thanks Marylea!
I returned home after work on Sunday morning, and Eric had just layed her back down after her feeding. She was up there still chatting with her mobile a little bit... so I tiptoed in to see her. It took a few seconds before she saw me, but when she did... she kind of stared for a sec, and then gave me the biggest smile ever! That definitely made it all worth it... and won her an extra hour out of the crib before having to go back to sleep!
And re: the pool... I've actually been in it for about a year and a half now. I'd much rather have one unit to call home, but the pay can't be beat and makes it too hard to pass up. Only 9 months left of it to go... just 'til Eric's done with school.
You need to come back to Clarian North. We miss you here! I would love to see your brag book.
Sorry I didn't respond sooner - I somehow missed this post.
How are doing? Any better? Hopefully you'll get to work at the other hospitals soon. I'm glad you have only nine months left of this schedule.
In the meantime I recommend moving back to Illinois to be with your awesome cousin. I think this would solve everything!!
:)
Lisa
Working is hard with a little one. I think you're lucky to have family to love her and care for her while you're away. But, working does make you appreciate the time you are home with them! Hang in there, it does get easier...until they start begging you to stay...but we have to pay the mortgage somehow, right?
I was lucky too to have just one unit to return to, they were a huge support too since I was still breastfeeding/pumping and needed frequent "breaks", although I wouldn't necessarily being milked a true break!
preach on sister, i know the feeling and it sucks! i'm sure w/ being a float that does make things suck worse, (notice my profound and enhanced vocabulary but it's 3 am and i know you won't hold it against me)you need to get a temp assignment here but do it soon becuase i'm out of here in september I got the weekend option night position in lafayette. Are you still full time? Talk to you later! call me!
Meghan, Your little girl is beautiful, Please come back to CN, I would love to see your brag book. We do need some help for night shift.
Take care
Tanya
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