Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Baby Audrey

So, I've tried to take it easy on the posts requesting prayer for heavy and sad situations lately. For awhile I felt like I was constantly the bearer of bad news on here - and I'd really prefer to be uplifting. Nevertheless, I do believe that God brings stories and people into our lives for a reason... and so I have yet one more family who desperately need your prayers and support.

This one touched me deeply... because it involves a singer in my favorite Christian music group, Selah. They sing amazing arrangements of primarily hymns... most long forgotten in today's generation... and I adore their sound.

It's always an interesting experience when you have the opportunity to realize that people you put on a pedestal are simply that... people... just like you and me. A blogging friend of mine (thank you Jackie), inadvertently introduced me to the blog of Angie Smith. Her husband Todd is one of the three singers who make up Selah. They have three beautiful little girls and are pregnant with their fourth daughter. You will learn about their discovery and now journey with baby Audrey, who doctors assure them will not survive outside of the womb if you click here.

Angie is using this blog to share her heart and this painful story... and I would love nothing more than for her to know the encouragement and love that I did during my time with Ricky. So please take the time to pop over and maybe leave her a comment.

Click on the link above, the Smith Family link under the prayer requests, or right here at: http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com

Friday, February 22, 2008


Don't you wish life just stayed this simple and amusing?

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

"Is this your first?"

It's a question I've dreaded from the moment I found out I was pregnant. I can always sense when it's coming - but it never fails to make my heart sink. I still ask myself what the right answer is... respond with the truth? Or respond with the easiest and most comfortable answer - for the poor unsuspecting person who asks. It's not that I blame them for asking... I've done it myself a hundred times probably... although there's a possibility I may never again., and there are worse questions to ask a pregnant woman I suppose...

My answer 99.9% of the time to the question, "is this your first"?:
And each time I silently beg Ricky from my heart to forgive me, and understand why I choose to lie.

I've heard several suggested alternatives to my response... but somehow this assumingly innocent question - usually presented in passing - rarely seems to justify the explanation that I would love to give. And while it hurts to feel that I am denying his existance, it somehow hurts more at times to endure the awkward and un-thought out responses of someone who is completely caught off guard and has no idea what to say. And so, to make it easy on them... I give them the simple answer they are looking for. "Yes". After all... in asking they no doubt are referring to "biological" children... right? And... this truly is - my first pregnancy. That alone, to many, should make it special - and unique.

Still, the reality is, this pregnancy is bittersweet for me. I don't mean to sound ungrateful - as I am well aware of countless friends and family who would give their right arm for the simple gift of being able to carry a child of their own. I am grateful... and feel overwhelmingly blessed for all that God has walked me through, and put into my life today. The truth is however... this baby is no more special to me than Ricky is. I hope that doesn't sound terrible... but it is how I feel. The circumstances of how each child got into this world in the first place really has no effect whatsoever on my outpouring of love for them. Ella, (we have decided on a name finally), will most definitely be special to me since she is a part of both Eric and I, but both she and Ricky were given to me by God... via very different miracles.

I am overjoyed by the possibility of becoming a mom again to a living child, but Ella in no way "cancels out" the void that Ricky left. I miss him more than ever... and sometimes while I know it really is not necessary, I wish that I could reach up to heaven and reassure him that while she will be sleeping in his crib and swinging in his swing, those things will always have been his first and foremost. It's silly I know... since those worldly possessions have absolutely no value in heaven whatsoever... and Ricky likely has no recollection of them in the first place. But for me, they are still - all that is left of him here... and they mean a great deal.

I guess since I never get the chance to say all this to the people that I choose to lie to - the people who I really want to say it too... I might as well at least share it with cyberspace. I doubt much of this is really news to any of you... and I can't really tell you how grateful that makes me feel.

If you'll humor me... here is how I always wish the conversation would go:

"Is this your first?"

"Nope, second. My son lives in heaven, and I'd tell you all about him, but there really aren't enough minutes in the day... or even days in the week, to even begin to tell you just how amazing he was. I wish you could meet him - but I do have pictures...":

Saturday, February 9, 2008


Click on picture to enlarge.

Most of the Christmas decorations came down a month ago... but for some reason I had a really hard time taking down the nativity. It was one of my favorite gifts of all time... I received it last Christmas - a conspired accumulation of gifts from various members of my husband's family, along with himself. I opened gifts from them over different days... and each time it seemed I received yet another piece of the set. SO fun.

I've never really been a "figurine" type of girl... never really know what to do with random little trinkets and statues that so many people display throughout their house. I don't have anything against them, or the people who love them. Personally, I just kind of despise "stuff" that serves little purpose other than to demand I dust more. (Something I'm also not a fan of.)

ANYWAY, this nativity is the exception for me. I've drooled over it for a couple years and always hoped that one day it would be a decoration in my home to be proud of. That's why it was such a special surprise that I'm SO happy my husband pulled off. I did finally put it all away - almost two weeks ago. But I'm already looking forward to this Thanksgiving... when I'll break it all out again! Thanks to all of you who had a hand in giving me this. I LOVE it!

Monday, February 4, 2008

The Next Best Thing...

If it couldn't be the Colts busting the wind out of the Patriot's sails... at least it was a Manning! Heck... at least it was SOMEBODY!! That game was quite possibly better than us winning the Superbowl!! That game was so exciting I'm surprised I didn't go into premature labor!! WOO!

We had a fabulous evening enjoying the Superbowl with a group of friends. The party was complete with a chili cook-off (Eric's would have won if his own wife hadn't voted for another batch)! (SORRY!!). We had a football flick-off (with paper triangles - must be a guy thing), at half-time... and just a great celebration over all as we all cheered on the Patriot's loss!! (Nobody really cared who won... as long as it wasn't the Pats!! :)

Awww... poor Tom... humbling, isn't it?

Scroll down for other posts if you havn't checked in a few days. I want some credit from a few of you for finally giving into your demands... :)

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Here. Now Quit Asking!

For all of you sick and twisted souls who call yourselves "friends", yet secretly draw your own personal self-satisfaction and self-gratification from the opportunity to view another's body going to pot... here. Print it out. Blow it up and put it on your refrigerator... use it as the wallpaper on your computer, forward it on in an email to all your other twisted friends. Revel in the fact that your "skinny" jeans fit, your underwear doesn't fall down to your ankles, you can sneeze without wetting your pants, and your boobs aren't the size of small watermelons.

Do whatever you want.

Just don't ask me to post any more of these....

Oh... and yes, that is the same sweater in two different colors. One only has so many options with maternity clothes... and moo-moos really aren't my thing. So when I find something I like... I buy it in every color. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do...

Friday, February 1, 2008


Such a big girl now!

Mom Betsy, and Noura's favorite pasttime...

She's smiling.... really!

I'm way behind on updates... but I had to get these pictures on here. This is little Noura... although she's hardly "little" anymore compared to her size at birth as a 25 weeker, born over 4 months early. She has done by far the best of any "25 weeker" I have seen in my 6 whole years of working in the NICU. So strong and such a fighter! I got to be there for her birth and then took care of her quite a bit during her 3 month stay in our unit... and it was so much fun to go visit her now at home. Her parents have handled everything that they have gone though with her (and trust me, it's been a lot) so beautifully... they are an incredible example to me of the joy that can come when we put our faith in trust in Christ through all the hard times...

We're looking forward to some playdates with Noura when our baby is born! I'm hoping she'll teach our's a little something about sleeping through the night!! :)

(You can read more about baby Noura on their blog by clicking on the link to the right... Little Miss Noura)