Several blogs I frequent have begun this blogging trend called "Not Me Mondays". The idea is to list random things that they have done... or "not" done throughout the week leading up to that particular Monday. It is all written in somewhat of a sarcastic manner... and since I've been told that every once in awhile my humor carries a "sarcastic undertone", I'm considering jumping on board. You can see I've already missed the boat this week, but since it's my blog and I make the rules... I think I'll go ahead and designate it "Not Me Tuesday" - at least for today. It has most definitely NOT been an eventful week around here - so here goes nothing!
...3 weeks after I definitely did NOT back into my DAD's car sitting in our driveway, I did NOT wake up to learn that my husband had backed into my MOM's car while it sat in our same driveway.
...I did NOT ponder giving Ella a *small* dose of Benadryl to *help* her sleep when I came home after working all night and had to function as a Mommy without baby back-up. I did NOT instead force my child to watch some 3 hours of Baby Einstein while Mommy slept on the couch with one eye open.
...While browsing through Marshalls and allowing Ella to play with a small toy from the baby section, I did NOT put the toy back despite noticing that my daughter had managed to chew half of the price tag off. I did NOT then drag her all the way out to Babies R Us and spend over $125 on formula and various flavors of baby food that the dog probably wouldn't eat.
...On our way home from shopping I did NOT hear a sudden loud grinding sound when I hit the breaks and mutter to myself that Eric was SO buying me that Honda Odyssey this week!
...Upon arriving home I most certainly did NOT find Max cowering in the corner of his small crate with poop, diarrhea, and vomit covering him, his bedding, and the carpet surrounding him.
...At this point I definitely did NOT curse my husband who was gone on the Men's retreat for the weekend enjoying what was NOT his SECOND "Man-cation" in 4 weeks.
...I did NOT listen and watch my daughter grunt and moan, beet-faced, and blood vessals rupturing while she fought a losing battle over the evil formula monster that raged in her colon.
...After looking forward to what was going to be my first relaxing weekend in quite awhile of having the "place to myself", I did NOT spend my entire Saturday cleaning up the diarrhea that my dog had christened the carpet with in the middle of the night, and shoving suppositories and rectal thermometers in places poor Ella did not know existed. Consequently I did NOT wind up getting up EVERY 2 hours in the middle of the night to let my poor sick dog outside in a feeble attempt to keep my carpets clean.
...I did NOT stay home from church Sunday morning after agorantly announcing to the Lord that the only fellowship I was in need of that day was with my pillow, and any lessons He felt I needed to learn that day would be well received and acknowledged in my dreams.
...I did NOT then get called into work that night after being told I was going to be called off and opting to watch football rather than take a nap of any kind.
...And finally... I most certainly did NOT happily announce to my husband before leaving for work that night that the car had miraculously cured itself of any issues. That same car did NOT then completely DIE on me while I was stopped at an extremely busy intersection 1 mile from work. I did NOT then call my husband from the back of a police car while my useless vehicle was being loaded onto the $99-flat-fee-plus-$3/mile tow truck and announce that he indeed was going to have to buy me my Honda Odyssey this week. I was NOT then escorted to my job like a criminal by Joe the Policeman.
...I did NOT learn just this evening that not only would I NOT be driving to work in my tricked out Honda Odyssey next week, but instead I would be working a night of overtime to pay for a couple spark plugs in the Jeep Liberty that refuses to die with dignity! And I did NOT write this post at WORK!
...3 weeks after I definitely did NOT back into my DAD's car sitting in our driveway, I did NOT wake up to learn that my husband had backed into my MOM's car while it sat in our same driveway.
...I did NOT ponder giving Ella a *small* dose of Benadryl to *help* her sleep when I came home after working all night and had to function as a Mommy without baby back-up. I did NOT instead force my child to watch some 3 hours of Baby Einstein while Mommy slept on the couch with one eye open.
...While browsing through Marshalls and allowing Ella to play with a small toy from the baby section, I did NOT put the toy back despite noticing that my daughter had managed to chew half of the price tag off. I did NOT then drag her all the way out to Babies R Us and spend over $125 on formula and various flavors of baby food that the dog probably wouldn't eat.
...On our way home from shopping I did NOT hear a sudden loud grinding sound when I hit the breaks and mutter to myself that Eric was SO buying me that Honda Odyssey this week!
...Upon arriving home I most certainly did NOT find Max cowering in the corner of his small crate with poop, diarrhea, and vomit covering him, his bedding, and the carpet surrounding him.
...At this point I definitely did NOT curse my husband who was gone on the Men's retreat for the weekend enjoying what was NOT his SECOND "Man-cation" in 4 weeks.
...I did NOT listen and watch my daughter grunt and moan, beet-faced, and blood vessals rupturing while she fought a losing battle over the evil formula monster that raged in her colon.
...After looking forward to what was going to be my first relaxing weekend in quite awhile of having the "place to myself", I did NOT spend my entire Saturday cleaning up the diarrhea that my dog had christened the carpet with in the middle of the night, and shoving suppositories and rectal thermometers in places poor Ella did not know existed. Consequently I did NOT wind up getting up EVERY 2 hours in the middle of the night to let my poor sick dog outside in a feeble attempt to keep my carpets clean.
...I did NOT stay home from church Sunday morning after agorantly announcing to the Lord that the only fellowship I was in need of that day was with my pillow, and any lessons He felt I needed to learn that day would be well received and acknowledged in my dreams.
...I did NOT then get called into work that night after being told I was going to be called off and opting to watch football rather than take a nap of any kind.
...And finally... I most certainly did NOT happily announce to my husband before leaving for work that night that the car had miraculously cured itself of any issues. That same car did NOT then completely DIE on me while I was stopped at an extremely busy intersection 1 mile from work. I did NOT then call my husband from the back of a police car while my useless vehicle was being loaded onto the $99-flat-fee-plus-$3/mile tow truck and announce that he indeed was going to have to buy me my Honda Odyssey this week. I was NOT then escorted to my job like a criminal by Joe the Policeman.
...I did NOT learn just this evening that not only would I NOT be driving to work in my tricked out Honda Odyssey next week, but instead I would be working a night of overtime to pay for a couple spark plugs in the Jeep Liberty that refuses to die with dignity! And I did NOT write this post at WORK!
